sizzlingsands

came acress one nice poem..

2006-02-14T16:23:24Z

The streets are screaming tonight.

An agony of flame is visible from my window

Black and yellow

An echo of the cries that surround me.

Until I draw the curtains

and bolt the door

To shut out a world

that has lost touch with humanity.

In its way

the silence is sometimes

more ominous than the sound.

I am safe now

but for the images

that have been burned into my brain.

I am safe now

but for the anguish

that has been ringing in my ears.

I am safe now

but I rest uneasily doused

in painful technicolour.

I am safe now

I am safe

but I am remembering…

Another starting...

2005-10-02T11:54:55Z

...and one day little sandy packed her bag,
said good bye to her friends,
and took another road.

what does life has in store for her?

sizzlingsands @ 2005-09-18T17:54:00

2005-09-18T12:34:51Z

United Nations Millennium Development Goals:

1. Eradicate extreme poverty and hunger
2. Achieve universal primary education
3. Promote gender and empower women
4. Reduce child mortality
5. Improve maternal health
6. Combat HIV/AIDS, Malaria and other diseases
7. Ensure environmental sustainability
8. Develop a global partnership for development

Eros - Hunter of Dreams

2005-09-06T11:31:32Z

He emerges from the stars
When the world falls asleep
And i patiently wait
for the tinkling of his golden arrows
He emerges from the stars
...............
My thirsty fingers feel his body
Soft as the thighs of a deer
And loose themselves in his wavy hair

I inhale dreams from his underarms
And listen to the songs that the night sings for us.
He put his arms around me
And hold me close,
As a mother does to her baby
His lips press upon mine
And i melt in his wild scent
Of sunburnt forest
We start our journey through the roads of mild, bearable pleasure
where there is a brocken sun and a brocken moon to guide us..

Falling in love with stars..

2005-08-31T10:47:32Z

he was sleeping in my lap
totally unaware of the chaos in my heart.
from the black thread around his neck,
the moon and sun smiled at me.
i tried to take his face in my hands..
my heart overwhelming with love.
then he suddenly transformed into a handful of stars
and escaped to the dark sky.
i sat there,staring at the sky,
my eyes full of surprise and heart full of pleasure.

WALKING ON THE RAINBOW!!(experiences in the rainbow march by alternate sexualities in kolkata)

2005-07-04T09:04:34Z

Harish, plz connect the net for me... I have asked Anivar to send the details of rainbow march.
I was desperate... It was already 9 o clock of 25 th night and I still didn’t have any details of the ‘pride march’ which would take place in Kolkata the next day. I had stayed back from going to Andhra for the stolen generation meeting to participate in the rainbow pride walk, which is a rally of different sexualities. And now, on the previous night of the event, I was left with no clue about the venue, time… I had already called my colleagues and friends in Bangalore, but none had any information. Harish kept saying-ur rally is not going to happen. Let us go to sundarbans tomorrow...

I checked my mail. Nah. There was nothing. May be Anivar forgot... or he too couldn’t find anything. Oh! What do I do now? I did another round of phone calls, but no result.

Well, nothing seemed to work for me that day. I went to bed, disappointed and confused. Next day morning, I again called Anivar. He said he has forwarded the mail from the integration society- the group which was conducting the pride walk. I ran back and checked my mail again. The venue hadn’t been mentioned, but a mobile number had been given. I called, just to find that it is ‘temporarily out of order’. Damn!

Me and Harish searched the net, as a last option and, thank god, there was an article in one news paper saying that the rally will take place on 26th Sunday, 10 am, starting from Lake Stadium.

It was already 9, got ready quickly and rushed to the lake stadium, expecting a large crowd carrying banners and colorful ribbons... I was secretly thrilled to see the police security all over the place. But where is everybody? I searched the entire stadium, all gates, went to the program office and enquired; nobody seemed to know about the march. Has the rally already begun? It was 10.30 now. Are they so punctual? Oh, no! I rushed to the near by STD booth and called Anivar and described my dilemma. He was helpless. Well, what can he do, sitting in Andhra?

I aimlessly walked through South Avenue... Phew! I cursed the moment in which I cancelled my Andhra trip. I remembered my friends who had actually written my name on the ticket booking form, asking me to go with them... Policemen in white uniform were standing everywhere. I asked one of them. ‘kya aap pride march ke bare mein jaanthe hai?’ he stared at me for a moment and said. ‘koi march nahin ho raha hai. Aaj PM aa raha hai. March sab cancel.’

OH! So that was it. No march. No Andhra. Stuck in Kolkata. What a waste!!

I again went to the telephone booth, and called Murali, a friend of my friends in Kerala. He was a known gay activist, and I somehow felt that he might be having info about the organizers. I described my agony, he listened patiently and consoled me, and gave me the number of Owais khan, saying that he was collecting money for the festival in Bangalore. The name seemed to be familiar…may be it was there in the mail of integration society. I called him up. Ha! At last! He was the one who had first come up with the idea of this march in 1999. I poured in my complaints, he apologized for the inconvenience caused and told that the march will take place at 3 pm, from Birla academy of fine arts.

I went back to Garia, my friend’s uncle had come, and he was on his way to Andaman working for the tsunami affected people there. We had a nice chatting session, then I took another bath, had food and it was 3 o clock. I went to the Birla Academy.

This time, it was just as I expected. There were people all around... My colleague from Bangalore had also come. The release of a music album was taking place. Bangla speech was going on, which I couldn’t understand a single word, but I sat there, quite excited.
The ceremony ended. I was looking for friends... then a boy came to me and introduced himself as Siva, from Nepal. Wow!! Nepal! He was quite friendly... I met Owais. He welcomed me with a warm hug and said that Murali also called him up and told about me.
I and Siva went out. Siva was working for MSMs in Nepal. I met his group. So many media people were there, taking interviews, pictures... I saw a lady in green sari, giving interview. I had seen her on the stage also. I asked Siva. “Who is she? That lady in green sari?’ Siva looked at me and smiled. ‘It’s not a she. It’s a queen....’
I didn’t really know what he meant by ‘queen’. But...there was this strange confusion about addressing people. There were no binaries...no she/he. No black and white. Yeah! Life is colourful here... colours of rainbow! Not seven...not seven hundred… infinite!

Well, there were not many things to be done. So I and Siva entered the academy to watch the sculptures and paintings there. Only I and Siva were there. Slowly he started getting too ‘close’. He tried to hold me close to him, spending more time in front of nude sculptures. Finally I had to take his hands off from me, and say that he was being too friendly and it d be nice if he keeps a distance. He apologized, and said that it was the MSM’s culture to be physically close and he got that habit from them. Phew! This was the strangest theory I d ever heard about MSMs. I told him that I didn’t believe him, and even if it was true for MSMs in Nepal, he shouldn’t be behaving like that with others.

MEN!! Huh!

People had already assembled for the rally. We got leaflets stating the history and importance of the rainbow march and badges. I went around acquainting with with each and everybody who came in my way. There were people from all over India... Kerala, Tamilnadu, Karnataka, Orissa, Delhi, Nepal, Jharkhand, Mumbai, Andhra... and all kinds of people..lesbians, gays, bisexuals, kothis, MSMs, transgender, transsexuals, hijras...quite a colourful and lively crowd. Some people had covered their faces so that their family won’t come to know about their identity. Some were holding banners and placards and distributing this and that... I got a packet of ‘lube’, which happens to be a condom lubricant. I had no idea as to what to do with it, but I kept it.

I was trying to avoid Siva but hadn’t really managed to find another friend... so I started feeling bit left out. As I looked around curiously, I saw some people in gory dresses...they looked like hijras, dressed up as females. And what kind of females, my god!! Mini skirts, outrageous tops, bright lipsticks, rose powder, false hair, block heals, hats... They were striking poses for the photographers from various newspapers and channels. ‘Horrible!’ I secretly thought. But didn’t really dare to express my disgust. They were such a sensitive group, and I didn’t have much knowledge about their social circumstances. Nobody actually seemed to care.

‘Hey, can you take a snap for me?’ it was Siva. Oh, yeah. I didn’t have anything else to do... I took their group photo. He thanked me, putting his camera back into cover, and asked. What do you think about those people in those outfits? I mumbled something about individual freedom. But he seemed quite angry. ‘They are giving out wrong messages and wrong pictures. If a common people see them in the rally, what will they think? And we are saying that we are normal? Natural? What they are doing now, is nothing like their actual self, no? Why can’t they be gentle? like other human beings? In Nepal, you really can’t recognize an MSM from a common person. But these people… I m sure it wont do much good for the movement. You see the news paper tomorrow. It'll be full of their pictures.

I was really uncomfortable, and I was looking for some excuse to go away from him... Then I saw my colleague. I turned towards him and showed the packet of lube. ‘Hey. Look at this... It’s a condom lubricant.’ ‘From where did you get it?’ ‘They were distributing it.’ Siva whispered from my back ‘keep it safe... I'll be coming to Bangalore to visit you..’
Sick!! I stared at him... why didn’t I slap him?
SOME MEN!! YUCK!!

The rally started. I had found some Malayalees... (There is an old joke which says that when Neil Armstrong went to moon, what he found first was a malayali’s tea shop...) They were doing LLB in Kolkata. We walked together, talking about this and that, and then I met Ramki from Madras. He too was working for different sexualities (this is a correction for sexual ‘minorities’. Science says that one in ten is having a different sexual orientation. And more than 70% men are having sexual relation with other men... so there is nothing like ‘minority’. The only issue is visibility and.) We talked about the acceptance for different sexualities in madras and Kerala. He said it’s really bad in madras. In Kerala, small groups like Sahayathrika have succeeded in raising these issues and to give support to people. And there was queer events happening in Kerala, which got good responses from public. Bangalore was much better than Kerala. Ramki also said about a film festival organized in madras in which more than 60% of people were from general public. Now that’s great!!

Suddenly excited shouts and claps filled the air... people were looking at the sky and shouting. There is a rainbow!! Hey, rainbow here, rainbow there... nature is with us… we are natural….I too couldn’t control happiness. I threw my hands in the air and sang loudly. nature is in solidarity!! A woman near me was taking the rainbow in her digicam... I shouted, ‘hey, start from the rainbow and bring it down to the march....’ ha! And that did make an excellent shot! The rainbow march!

We shall overcome …we shall overcome…
We shall overcome someday…
Oho, deep in my heart, I do believe,
We shall overcome some day…

Songs were coming from the van which followed the procession. We kept giving handouts to all those people on the roadsides. Some were staring, some were laughing, some were curious, some indifferent...

We had reached the Birla mandir. Then a middle aged guy came to me and asked.
Are you a lesbian?
No.
Then, are you bisexual?
Could be. I haven’t really explored.
Well, do you have female partners?
Hey, you are too curious...
No, I just want to know... how can you have sex with a female? You will need a penis, no?
Why are you asking all these questions? Who are you?
I am a reporter from himachal patrika.
Well, if you want these kinds of details, why don’t you just go to internet and search, you will get lots of articles.
The general people avoid you because they don’t understand all these things no? If they get proper information about these they will…
The general public has other reasons for avoiding us. Well, they might be curious to know all these things, but it’s just that dirty curiosity.
But still, tell me no, how do you do ‘it’ without a penis? You stroke each others clitoris?

I started smelling fish...
‘Well, show me your card.’ I demanded.
‘err... i don’t have it right now..but..’
‘and you don’t sound like a journalist at all. Now leave me alone.’
‘but why did you say like that..?’

I didn’t care to answer. I moved towards the front row to join owais and pavan holding the huge banner. Owais was in full spirits... I shared my experience with the ‘journalist’ and had a good laugh. But I really cursed myself for being stupid enough to let him go to that level... hmmm...learned it the hard way. Or I’ll never learn such things…

It started to rain.. me owais and pavan along with other three were in the front, holding the banner. We talked a lot about other sexuality movements in Kolkata and Kerala. About the issues, various places and response of people, media, and activities of various organizations... I had so many curious questions and he was really patient with me. I didn’t feel tired at all. (But the only discomfort being those ‘fashion show’ people just behind me...)

It was then a man with long hair and hat came just behind me and mumbled something. I couldn’t listen properly and I asked him to repeat. He asked. ‘Are you lesbian?’ ‘no.’ he came closer to me and asked... ‘Are your things medical or natural?’ I didn’t quite understand. ‘What things?’ ‘Your breasts’ ‘what??!’ ‘and your butt’

I felt sick. I turned my weary face at him and said. ‘I choose not to answer.’ Owais laughed and said. ‘He is a gay artist. He is just pulling your leg.’ I retorted. ‘You are pulling bit too hard.’
Ha!! What a contrast! There were people who had come from far away places just to declare their solidarity for the movement, and there are people like Siva, that stupid reporter, and this strange gay ‘artist’, who were… bloody rogues!!

But the general enthusiasm that prevailed kept my spirits up. I sang loudly with the group and marched towards park circus. But I still couldn’t help thinking about my parents’ reaction if they come to know about my participation in the march. I felt little insecure. Especially if they see me along with those ‘models’… well, I have to go a long way towards independence.

We had reached park circus. All of us assembled under the bright yellow light there…There were small speeches, vote of thanks, declarations of solidarity and promises to meet next year also, hope that more organizations and individuals will join next year... We collected each other’s contacts so that we can keep in touch even after going away. Even here, there were local people who didn’t really support the movement, but were anxious to know if they will get people to spend one night... I was very careful in giving my cell number... Many times I had to say that ‘I don’t give my contact to strangers, sorry.’ People! They think that other sexuality means available people!

A party had been organized after the rally, but I was already tired and decided to go back. I guess it was already around 9 at night. I swallowed the pizza and fruity that was being distributed by the organizers of the rally and jumped into a typical Kolkata bus, dreaming about my bed near the window...

Next day morning Harish showed me the reports about rainbow march, and as I expected, it was full of pictures of those nautankies. Disappointing.
I went to Manas Bangla, an organization working with MSMs in Kolkata. Three of them came for the rally and we had made friends with each other. I got a warm welcome. There were around ten people...Pinto, Sudeb, Onirbondho, Rana, Panna... all very energetic and young.we sat there in the office and talked about our work, personal life, hopes about future…well, nearly everything under the sun.. They were conducting AIDS awareness programmes, giving counseling who wanted it, sensitization on various issues... they talked about their own experiences of exploring their own sexuality, the social stigma they had to face, how they overcame it, their individual struggles... I also expressed my concerns about the media projected image of different sexualities movement. Rana shared my anxiety but said that it was also a question of media person’s literacy about these issues. And those people, may be they too have internalized the globalised woman’s images...

Whatever. I believe in being my self, I said. And I am trying to kill each and every element of feminity in me. They welcomed my statement with claps. At once I knew that I had conveyed it in the wrong way... I explained. ‘I mean the conventional concept of feminity..’ They all agreed with me and said. ‘You don’t look very feminine. Except for your bindi and eardrops.’ ‘I am reclaiming them..’ I said. We all laughed. It was a warm and open sharing...

It had rained heavily the previous day and the roads were flooded. Even though the bus stop was just near the office, I had to get into a rickshaw. We said good bye to each other. While the rickshaw wallah slowly moved away, Rana shouted after me..’hey, you got really beautiful hair.. I don’t know if you like it or not..’ I shouted back ‘I love it..’

This strange colourful world! It always confuses my eyes, which has got so used to black and white!
But what a thrilling confusion!!

girl, interrupted.

2005-05-10T13:50:34Z

As part of a gender workshop, we had a personal life sharing session. one woman in my group, was 30, still unmarried, working, enjoying life..she seemed quite happy and proud. As a person who consider marriage(in the present form) as one of the worst and impractical institution, I felt really excited. Here is somebody who has dared to live a life of her own! here is somebody who is living at least a part of my dream.. I was really excited. But today, I again met her, and she said that she has registered in an online matrimonial.

Not to say, I was quite disappointed. After the initial sharing and excitement about the way she has described her demands and details of those who has responded to her, I asked her why she changed her mind. She said.
“ I am 30 now, and I have started feeling lonely. At your age you dream all those revolutions you are going to make, and you have friends who support you, but after a while, all of them get married and you are left alone. You make promises to your friends that you will keep in touch, you will support each other even after marriage, but you loose all those contacts. All of them gets bonded to their family and family is , always the first preference. I too have my family, my younger sisters, they also want me to get married. You have to consider their opinion too. They are your parents, no? and its always nice to have somebody who will take care of you, to whom you can go back in the evening. you can’t expect all those support from your friends.”

I asked her why doesn’t she fall in love first and get married(which is, of course a stupid question..its never like—watch me, I am gonna fall in love, daaaashhhhhhhhhhDUM!! But I was desperate.)she said she couldn’t find anybody like that, which again frustrated me. She has lived 30 years, traveled quite a lot, met so many people, that too in the NGO sector, where you have the highest possibility of finding more humane males.. she couldn’t find anybody there and she is going for an online matrimonial..!!

I sat there in a corner, with an incomplete sketch of a mother and baby in my hands, lost in thoughts. I am going home, to Kerala tomorrow. I will spend some time with my parents, during which they will certainly remind me of my and their responsibilities for each other..putting it simply, they are going to ask me to get married. I am only 22 now, am quite excited at the new freedom I got , has just started living, has so many incomplete dreams which demand my time and energy. Marriage is not there, not even in my distant dreams. But I am not that stupid to say that ‘I am going to live alone.’ I am a human being, who cant , really cant survive without support from others. I look around to see who all are there for me..

my dear friends.. well, my most best friend, to whom I had made my first promises of togetherness all through life, she in desperately in love with a boy.. we have just came out of all the problems caused by the sharing of her time between him and me. they are quite possessive about each other and its quite stupid to dream of a life where we three are together in a house.
Then? I have another friend, who is quite bold when getting into relationships, who dare to say that she is bored when she is bored, doesn’t let anybody blackmail her in love.. recently I met her and she said that she gets scared while thinking of a life without her present boyfriend. She is in an experiment to be in that relation and maintain other relations too-in terms of time and space.
Then? I have another friend, who is quite fond of me, and with whom I am extremely comfortable, but I simply don’t feel like letting that beautiful friendship to spoil because of too much familiarity…

I can go on listing, listing…I am sure after publishing this in my blog, I ll get at least one phone call saying that I have six friends with me. Yes, we are a group of seven. i ll get scolded for writing this.

But…the insecurity is just too big for me to handle. What are the alternatives? I will say another thousand big ‘NO’ to marriage. So, girl, alone? A million ‘NO’ s.

Then??

My dreams are centres around a community. in which we all live together, work together(not necessarily) and support together. I can sit back on my chair and go on dreaming and dreaming about such a life. I am comfortable there. I am not bonded to anybody, I have my space, I can choose not to have children, I can have sex with my lover, I can use my time for my dreams, or our common dreams, our precious dreams of an alternate system..

I wake up from my thoughts and turn to the woman next to me, who has given online matrimonial ,and ask. Cant you live in a community? With your friends? She says. What if afterwards they get married and go? All my friends are married now.

I remember another friend who also share my community dream complaining that the common problem in communities is that members fall in love with somebody else and leave the community. Now, nobody can say that, ‘hey, you shouldn’t do it’. Once you say that , your community becomes no different from a marriage.

I am stuck here.

sizzlingsands @ 2005-05-03T10:41:00

2005-05-03T05:16:19Z

Do you know who is the most worthless friend in the world?

That’s me.

Love-why are you uncomfortable with it?

2005-04-30T12:41:24Z

I wonder why people always try to avoid public expressions of love..they make it clear that they wont approve hugging and kissing in public. When asked why, they say it creates discomfort. And they get irritated if I ask one more ‘why’. Why this discomfort?

When I was in Kerala, long back, I too discouraged boys and girls holding hands, hugging (even if it rarely happened). I took care that my boyfriends doesn’t get too close to me( this was violated only under the label of brother hood – hey, why are u looking like that? He is like my brother!). I too took the stand that office spaces can not be used for sexual relation. I loathed those who stick to each other in classrooms and cool shades of banyan trees in college ground. But why? Why should I? What makes me uncomfortable?

Coming to Bangalore.. I see couples in Lalbagh and cubbon and so many other public parks, even girls wearing their burqua, sitting on a bench and coolly kissing their partner on lips..oops! its hard to digest, but then I got used to it. Recently I noticed that these things does not matter any more to me. It was somewhat strange.. I started searching for reasons. One may be familiarity. You see it too often, you get used to it, u get bored by reacting, u stop reacting. Another beautiful thing is my own relation with my friends. I am experiencing that wild flow of love which take place when two bodies connect. (clarifications: friends includes boys and girls, love means something very different for me, forget the conventional red red sweet sweet love.)Last week, in Kerala,we were on the banks of Nila, we had played in water till four o clock in the morning, and my friend was hugging me and sleeping like a child. People started coming to the river for their morning routines, noticed us and started groaning and moaning.. girl and boy hugging each other! Public!! Girl in sleeveless!!The discomfort grew to a level that somebody flashed a torch on our faces, waking him up. I felt like screaming. How dare they!!

Don’t know why, people associate sex to all types of physical interaction between a girl and boy. And expressions of sex is banned, except on movies, TV,magazines, posters, advertisements.. oh,dear! Why?? In my case, I trace it to the values and morality of the society in which I was brought up. Why was their values like that? Because their ancestors were like that.. if we keep going back in time like this, we reach a stage where emerges private property, private land, ownership. . virginity, chastity, monogamy,patriarchy…man!

Even now, most of the strength to break the physical constraints comes from love, not from my politics. But atleast I don’t raise my eyebrows anymore when I see couples. And I am conscious and cautious about those rascals who try to make use of the fact that I don’t associate all those ‘purity’ bullshit with my body.

Today is my first day in Bangalore, wearing sleeveless outside. My malayali friend is sure that it doesn’t suit me..well, she has the freedom of opinion..i just want to be comfortable..its so hot nowadays!! Still, I confess, I will think twice before wearing it in the streets of Kerala. If somebody gives me the power to shoot all those #@$##* s who will try to hit me here and there or pass comments…then its ok.

In search of god...

2005-04-20T04:59:50Z

I believe in god. I am an idol worshipper. Used to like Krishna, but it became extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeemlydifficult after a period. All that radha fuss..(MS word is not familiar with radha, it seems. Its suggesting ‘radar’ instead!) and the war…u feel like asking those questions after an age.. and its never answered. I changed to durga, and we got along quite well. The idol was beautiful, fair, wearing weapons.. well, she was powerful. She had killed all those demons.. she was not a slave to her husband, like lakshmi..

As I said, we were getting along quite well, before my friend came to Bangalore last week. We were discussing politics of gods, RSS, vishnumaaya and kuttichaathan... I proudly presented my concept of durga, the ultimate woman. Then he asked. Isn’t that picture of yours of an upper cast woman? About her family, has she ever taken a decision against her husband? If she is equal to her husband, then why isn’t she present in the trio? Why isn’t it ardha naareeswara there? She was the one who got really angry when her husband called her ‘kaali’ and went on a ‘tapas’ to become fair, Gauri, right?

I couldn’t answer. Now I am in search of my god. I know that it has to be a woman, she has to be independent, unmarried, strong, not at all beautiful in the conventional way, black, extremely wild, bisexual, non vegetarian (who loves to eat cow), she has to be my friend, and there must be space to scream at each other. She will be living in a community, not a family.

Do anybody know her??

From where does masculinity come???

2005-04-15T11:58:19Z

My friend says its because they have penis. Men are men because of their penis. that organ. And women are women because they doesn’t have penis. Well…I thought its because of the physical power of men and the socialisation process. they can beat women, they can shout, they can scare women.. but then from where does this socialisation process start? The moment a child is born, (sometimes even before that) society looks for the sex. First or second? Then it starts.. toys, dress, games, clear messages… its impossible to be a human being. Girl, or boy. you have to fit in the frame. You are shaped. You are cut, stretched…

OK, then what about a hijra? He(I am using the word ‘he’.)too have penis, but because they(are forced to accept the identity of a woman) behave like women or like to be women, they are degraded. They are looked down by the society(which is obsessed with frames). But the fact that they have a penis does not make them macho… they have strong muzzles, but they don’t use it for oppressing women…my friend also takes the example of a gay man, who is very gentle.
But are all gay men gentle?
I don’t think so.

My friend takes examples of communal, caste issues, where its always women who suffer because of rivalry of men. Gujarat.. how many women were BRUTALLY raped and burnt? Partition.. how many women were BRUTALLY raped and murdered? Casteism.. how many women are still being BRUTALLY raped?? When I am with my boy friends, the only physical part I am not comfortable with is their penis.. yes, I am uncomfortable with that ‘hanging saamaan’ as my friend puts it.

But still, is it from there ,that masculinity comes?? Hello….man!!

I haven’t attended any masculinity workshop.. may be I am confusing that word with ‘macho’. Well, let me make it clear. I am referring to that conventional meaning of masculinity.

Well…should I feel sad that I have a vagina, not a penis? Should I dream something like ‘if I had a penis…’

Hey!! I am reading ‘the vagina monologue.’ Its such a liberating experience!! A celebration of vagina.. down there…. Its no more a secret!!

PS: The hottest topic in the town is the sexual harassment case against a man, who is famous for taking sessions on ‘masculinity’!!! well… now you understand why I am confused!

Issues – exercises/home works for youth?

2005-04-12T08:09:25Z

Last week, me and my friend witnessed a small cocktail party, in Bangalore. A very small one, which included some ten plus people,men and women, whose sole intention was to gulp down something ‘hot’, have some discussions on something under/over the sun, go back home and sleep. All the people who were there were related to some or the other NGO. We too were offered drinks. My friend didn’t take coz he didn’t like the taste and aftereffects, I refused coz drinking is not yet a part of my liberation dreams.( believe that this freedom which I enjoy is very precious and political, and should use it in a very creative way.)

Somebody went and bought the drinks, and for our extreme surprise, some bottles of coke and Pepsi too. Now!! I am damn sure all these people will talk very eloquently and emotionally if that (in)famous/unfortunate word ‘Plachimada’ is uttered. About privatization of water, about people’s struggles, about how political parties and media and NGOs hijack people’s struggles.. a damn good substitute for pickles and ground nuts!

I start wondering, what is the meaning of social commitment to all these people, who boast about having done this and that (about god-knows-what!)? Who travel all over the world to conduct/attend workshops and other NGO ‘festivals’? or is it something like, after you cross a certain period/level of ‘social work’ as a ‘career’, after establishing yourself as an authority in a certain issue, you don’t have to pay attention to those ‘small, basic’ things like struggles against brands, soft drinks, plastic and all that?? Is it all exercises for those young ones, who are trying to come up in the ‘field’?
Hello!! Tell me, what is the difference between an NGO and an MNC??

sizzlingsands @ 2005-04-08T13:15:00

2005-04-08T07:52:16Z

Bangalore is a traditional Indian woman…it carries the symbols of religion everywhere. Burkhas, tilak, long white kurthas, sindoor, hindi, neem/mango leaves…during my evening walks with Anjali, we go into different gullies, only to find that it ends in a Hindu colony or Muslim colony.. don’t know why, this doesn’t give me the ideas of religious harmony. And during one screening of ‘final solution’-that famous documentary about gujrath genocide, I hear somebody talking about the RSS chief’s declaration that Bangalore is going to be next Gujarat. That’s disturbing. Really disturbing.

Went to Bangalore University last week, for a workshop. Me and my friend were waiting for bus, inside the campus, when I noticed a small temple opposite to us. I was surprised and asked my friend. ‘hey, there is a temple…but do they have a church or mosque in the campus?’ he laughed and said. ‘ how can u expect something like that?’ I just said. ‘this wont be allowed in Kerala.’ Only after that I start thinking about CPI(M) in Kerala. Well..

I have a sprained ankle because I kicked a brick…(Drama)

2005-04-06T06:42:59Z

Characters(As of now.):
Mother
Father
Daughter
Telephone

Part I
(INSIDE OF A LOWER MIDDLECLASS HOME..Sitting room.one sofa,two chairs,TV,Telephone,Mother,daughter. Mother wearing cotton sari,daughter wering salwar,short hair,waiting for someone.)

Daughter: Mom, Where is father?its already 9.30.where has he gone? I have come home after such a long time and….

Mother:He has gone to Joseph uncle’s home to help him in shifting.

D: Oh, I forgot to tell you…I saw his son today in the railway station. We were in the same train, but I didn’t know until we reached..

Mother silent.. Daughter goes inside.

Father enters. Quite worried,upset and frustrated.

Father: where is she?

M: Upstairs.

F: Nikhil Saw her in the railway station..wearing jeans..she cut her hair. I don’t know what she is upto. She will spoil my reputation.

M: we will talk to her . now tell me what happened today..

(Daughter enter.Quite happy to see father, but father doesn’t look at her.She becomes uncomfortable,stays at the door for sometime, then come and sit opposite to father.he goes on talking..)

father: and it seems they will have to submit all those papers again. I asked joseph to go and talk to the officer once..she is a nice lady. Nikhil also is here for sometime no?

daughter: I saw nikhil at the railway station.
(father stares at her for 60 seconds.)

D:why are you looking at me like that????
F:your hair..its shameful.
D:what do you mean shameful??

F:nothing. It doesn’t suit you.
D: ……..

F:Well, where did you go from the railway station?’

D: My friends had come. We spent some time together..i called you and told you no?

F:I really don’t like all this roaming around with friends. What is this big discussion about?

D: we are planning to register a trust.

F: (really confused) what kind of a trust?

D: it’s a media initiative. We will use various kinds of media for campaigns and things like that.

F:and you are going to leave your job in Bangalore and work for it here? Who will give you money?

D:I don’t have to leave my job. I can work from Bangalore.

F: it all sounds too stupid. Is there any elders with you?

D: no..but..

F:fine.what are your plans? Tell me exactly what you are going to do.

D: that’s up to me.. I can do anything like film screenings, computer classes, or making animation films for science students from backward class…

M: wait a minute , dear. I will tell you something.if you are planning to work for these SC/ST’s, you will just waste your time. I have seen so many of those useless things in govt offices. They themselves are lazy and they make others life difficult with their stupid complexes. and they ll never let others grow..

D: mom! Are you still in your sense? What the hell are you talking about? How can you generalize such a thing? There are such persons in all castes and classes.you yourself is coming from a backward class.will you say the same about us?and what about that manager of yours who give you a thousand memos per day and threaten to kick you out of your job? Isn’t he an uppercaste person?

M:There is nobody like that in our caste.may be 10%..but 70%of low caste are like that only.
D: ah! You have already done a survey!!

F: Whatever you say, I think reservation should be based on financial status. not on caste. Ambedkar designed this caste based reservation only for 10 years. Then they continued it for political benefits..

D: Thank god they continued it..have you ever thought about the oppression they have been facing for centuries? Do you expect them to be competent with these bloody upper caste ppl just in ten years? With all the institutions designed for the benefit of upper caste? Even with reservation, how many people manage to get into science groups? and what is the attitude towards them ?

M: you never understand when we talk for your benefit. But keep this in mind. You will never succeed in your attempts.

D: I think my life will prove it.

F: leave it all.. we have other important issues to talk about.. you know that.
(daughter becomes uncomfortable. Telephone rings. father take the phone.)

F:…ah joseph…how did it go?..well..yeah..she is here…met nikhil…mmm..shall I give to her?
Give phone to daughter.

D: hi uncle.. how are you?….they were my friends.. some are working ,some students………….Bangalore is fine………what do you mean? Why are you asking like that? I am working there and I am getting paid !……yes, if you want to freak out, its the best place to do………….right now its time for me to concentrate on my career. I m not thinking about anything else…………….I have just started. Not being a burden on my parents itself is a support for them, no?…yes, bye.

TO BE CONTINUED….

Back from home...

2005-04-04T12:39:01Z

I went home last week.And after many dramas,am back in Bangalore. Was just going through office library, got these poems.quite interesting..

Sure, i will tell you all about those nautankies back home.But for the time being,these poems about babari masjid demolition.

BLAH BLAH BJP HAVE YOU ANY PROGRAMME?
YES SIR ,YES SIR,JAI SREE RAM.
ONE CALLED CONSTRUCTION,ONE CALLED DEMOLITION
AND ONE IS LIBERALISATION FOR TOTAL DESTRUCTION!

RAO-ADVANI CLIMBED AYODHYA HILL
TO CAPTURE A BANK OF VOTED,
RAO FELL DOWN AND BROKE HIS CROWN,
AND ADVANI BECAME JUBILANT AFTER.

my first p(fl)ic(k)!!

2005-03-24T08:21:36Z

</a>
thanda maut- lab coca cola!!

juz learning ABCD of picture posting..but quite an interesting first entry, no??

now at kerala, wid friends..havin loads a fun!!and of course, learning ABCD's of so many things!!ha ha..

catch ya latr

testing

2005-03-15T07:32:49Z

testing